intermittentblogger

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Archive for the tag “pnd”

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life?

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Yes. After the birth of my daughter I got post-natal depression. Until then I knew nothing about depression and wished people would just pick up their lip and get on with it. So it serves me right that I’d get some first hand experience to teach me a lesson in empathy.

We had wanted a child for so long and I thought that when she came along everything would just be “right”. But it didn’t happen that way.

Our daughter didn’t sleep for more than 40 minutes at a time – I was exhausted, I was numb and I wanted out. I spent a long time thinking about the quickest least messy way to kill myself. One morning after obsessing about it all through the night I got in my car, drove to the doctor’s office and waited for them to open. I had seen my OB previously and told her how I was feeling and she laughed and said “welcome to motherhood”. Thankfully my doctor listened and understood I needed help.

I took anti-depressants until my daughter turned 1 and I felt ready to wean myself off them. I wish I’d asked for help sooner! And I have a much better understanding now of people who suffer from depression – its not just something you can snap out of.

A recent Aha! moment

Today’s Post a Day 2011 topic is “describe a recent Aha! moment”

My most recent Aha! moment was looking at my baby and thinking “so THIS is what being a mom is supposed to feel like!”. It’s been a completely new experience parenting without postnatal depression. I absolutely love my daughter but the first few months of her life are a blur and I don’t remember being able to just enjoy her. I’d so love a do-over with her!

Until then I’ll be making the most of the next days, months and years loving both my kids and being thankful that I get a baby to enjoy 🙂

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