It’s been 5 months since I last slept for more than 4 hours in a row. And those 4 hours were a gift, usually DestructaBoy wakes every 2 to 3 hours.
It wasn’t unexpected. The Diva didn’t sleep for longer than 40 minutes for a very long time (so this could be seen as an improvement). But it doesn’t really make it easier.
When I am sleep deprived the first thing to go is my sense of humour. I have a very short fuse and I don’t lose my temper, I don’t argue, so I end up simmering… radiating displeasure. My family mostly knows better than to mention it. Anyone who tells me how their child slept through at 6 weeks, 8 weeks, whatever, is asking for their own special voodoo doll (and I have many, many wakeful hours to poke pins in it).
Next to go are any decision-making capabilities which is a b*tch when you’re a project manager, I’ll tell you that much for free. Drupal or Joomla? PMBOK or Agile? Left or right? Beach or park? Apples or oranges? The smallest decision will be greeted with a blank look. I don’t have the mental capacity to choose between anything no matter how inconsequential. I imagine this can be quite frustrating for everyone around me. Not to mention that I walk around looking like a complete tool for a major part of the day.
I’m trapped in a sleep-food cycle. Only able to concentrate on these two most basic needs. Until I get a good night’s sleep I cant even begin to focus on anything else. I am plodding through each day just putting one foot in front of the other and clinging to the knowledge that one day he will sleep. One day I will sleep. It can’t go on like this forever, right?