a freeform blog

I’m having a wobbly week

I know the “rule” is if you don’t have anything positive to blog about then don’t blog” but to hell with that, its MY blog (and its not like I haven’t already broken all the other blog rules).

I’m having a wobble. This whole week I’ve been really rattled and its an accumulation of things that probably seem small on their own but together are leaving me feeling very overwhelmed and unhappy.

My better half is scheduled to have major surgery at the end of October. Any kind of hospital stay has me rattled but more so being so far away from our families. This is the part of emigration I hate most! Its knowing you are absolutely on your own at the times when you most need your family to be there. We faced this 2 years ago when we were in hospital with the Diva – but then at least I had DH to lean on (and vice versa) and only one child to care for. Now I am scared about the operation. I’m worried that something will go wrong and DH wont wake up afterward – and I cant say so to him because he’s scared enough himself already. I don’t know how we’re going to manage with him being in hospital, me being at work and juggling both kids – and that’s just for the hospital stay, never mind the 6 weeks afterward where he’ll have limited mobility and not be allowed to drive. I need my mom and my sister and my father-in-law here, and all are either unable or unwilling to come (most unable – and validly so, but the unwilling is really upsetting).

Then there is just the constant battle, feeling like it doesn’t matter how hard we work or how much we earn we just never manage to get on top of things. Every time you feel like you’re getting ahead something breaks, or some urgent expensive need comes up 😦

And I’m tired of being the “fun police”. I’m tired of having to juggle all the accounts and say “no” to every single thing that would mean extra money. I’m tired of being responsible all the time. Its draining! I’m tired, I’m grumpy, I am gatvol.

I’m reminding myself that there are people out there who have it so much worse. And I’m doing what I can to get back to my happy place. But I am also allowing myself a large bowl of icecream and a good sulk.


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20 thoughts on “I’m having a wobbly week

  1. 😦
    Huge hugs.
    Miss you very much at times like this. Wish there was something I could do. (There isn’t anything, is there? Anything???)

  2. I think you need really good cheesecake =(. I also dont get why life needs to be a struggle, it is so much more pleasant (and so are people lol) when things are easier.
    Hugs T, sorry you are feeling so down, I hope someone comes in to give you a hand and feel a little ‘

  3. I have never had to think about the “what-ifs” with regards surgery but it would scare me. I am stressed enough when C is overseas for work.

    I have no idea how to help, practically, so I will just send you all the positive vibes in the world!

    And have some bar-one sauce with that ice cream 🙂


  4. shit, there is a rule about what you can blog about? ooops missed that memo or decided to ignore it. I think you should be able to blog about anything. it is supossed to be like free therapy with support.

    If you never say you feel crap how do you get support?

    miss you wish I could help.

    • LOL… there was a whole series of blog posts about it on someone else’s blog and it included things like never posting negative stuff, not using your children’s real names etc etc.

      And yep, my blog is definitely in the “free therapy” category.

  5. Aww Sweets, wish I could help somehow!


  6. That sucks! I can totally relate to the family thing. It is really hard. Wallow, wallow, wallow and then ask for help.

    Tell ya what – you make me a name badge (I am so not crafty!!!!) for a certain meeting on Saturday and I will do some babysitting for you 🙂 deal??

  7. ((hugs)) wish I could say something to make you feel better. Hope J’s op goes smoothly. That’s really upsetting about the unwilling bit… I’d be very sad

  8. Mark Johnson on said:

    Feeling very far from you now 😦

    “My friends will ask me how I’m doin’
    But I just can’t lie to ’em
    Not feeling fine today
    I saw my dreams they were a
    Ship on the ocean now it
    Looks like they’re miles away”
    Marc Cohn

    The knee op is not recreational but I remember a quick recovery and I’m sure J will be a dab hand on crutches. A friend of Cheryl’s took her husband’s crutches away and replaced them with a zimmer frame onto which she’d fixed a tray … undignified but smart (send pics 🙂 )

    Love you xxx

  9. Shirena on said:

    Is there anyway you can perhaps get some extra help around the house? I know they sometimes are able to sent some volunteers to help out and if DH is going to be unable to do things then you might qualify for some help around the house? Just grasping at some straws here for you. Sorry about the “unwilling” part. Emigration definately have some big sucky parts.

  10. Is that a blog rule? I never knew :-p

    Agh my friend these weeks are crap! I totally get your anxiety over J going to hsp 😦 But you KNOW it will be fine!!!!!

    And the money thing? Story of our life too and even more so now that I am still in the starting phase of the business – I have days where I ignore it because other wise it consumes me.

    ((HUGS)) and love – next week will be better!

  11. I totally agree with the other commentors. Blog what YOU want, not stifled by some other persons expectations of what they want to portray on their own blog.
    Hope things do look up for you soon. I can relate to that feeling of never being onto of the finances before something just “pops up” or breaks…story of our life here. So glad we have insurance with 4 kids around.

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