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What kind of friend are you?

Are you a low-maintenance friend or a high-maintenance friend?

For me, a low maintenance friend is one that doesn’t expect you to return their phone calls/emails within any specific time period, they don’t necessarily remember your birthdays and they certainly don’t remember the birthdays of your kids, your spouse or any other life anniversaries, low maintenance friends don’t usually care who else you are friends with or who you invite where and to what, its a zero-drama relationship that can handle long gaps between seeing each other (and you just pick up wherever you left off when you get together). A high maintenance friend is more needy and wants frequent communication – and validation. You’re expected to return calls & emails pronto, remember their birthdays and agree with them on things they think are important, and if there’s a long gap where you don’t see or speak to each other feelings are hurt.

I used to be a super low maintenance friend, and I think that for some of my long-standing friendships this is still true because they have enough history behind them to be very valuable to me even if I’m not in regular contact. But as time goes on I get less and less tolerant and become far more high maintenance and its affecting me making new friendships. I’ve now got lots of very good ‘old’ friendships and very, very few (ok, almost none) new friends. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t aΒ  gripe… its just an observation. I wonder if everyone gets crankier and less accepting of things as they age or if its just me turning into a moany old cow?


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14 thoughts on “What kind of friend are you?

  1. Cheryl on said:

    In my very professional opinion I find you to be a low maintenance friend, we dont have to talk often and hang out and invited each other to kids parties etc but i know if I ever needed some advice or help in a situation I could ask you and you would be there unless you really couldn’t in which case I reckon you would help me out in any way you could. I have also taken the approach especially since having kids that high maintenance friends aren’t worth it and I really only associate with people who arent going to judge me for doing things in my sometimes very unconventional (speacial) way and are willing to deal with my unvacuumed messy child friendly home :o)

    • Aah thanks Cheryl! And you’re right in not having judgemental friends. I want friends who are happy to come and have a cup of tea at my place even though the diningroom table is buried in laundry waiting to be folded, the floor is covered in toys, the dishes are unwashed and the Wiggles is playing on the TV… and not make me feel bad about it. Life is too short!

  2. nzpixie on said:

    I know that as I’ve gotten older, I’m not necessarily less tolerant, but have realised that there’s no point in trying to be everyone’s friend, that it’s okay to disagree and even not like someone (without being rude!), and that life is too short to try and please all and sundry anyway. If I meet someone new and we kinda click straight away – brilliant…if we don’t, then I no longer spend ages trying to force a friendship that is doomed before it begins. I love the friends I already have, so am not really interested in forming half-a**ed friendships anymore!

    We’re getting wiser, not crankier =)

    • I like the “wiser, not crankier”… but TBH I think I’m a LOT less easygoing than I was. Maybe it is a case of just not pursuing half-a**ed friendships though? You know, the ones that feel like hard work, where you’re always the one calling and emailing and inviting. You end up feeling like a stalker (and my inner voice is saying “babe, maybe she’s just not that into you”).

  3. Amelia on said:

    Hi Tanya, Interesting blog topic. Im definately a low maintenance friend, so much so that I feel guilty when people remember my birthday or remember things that I find importannt, when I have just forgotten theirs….. I dont think Ill ever change… but hey you never know….

    Thanks for your reply on my post…. Our holiday was fantastic. We were there for 3 weeks so we really got to spend time with family and travel around. It was so good for everyone to meet Harrison. The travelling was awful, and I would NEVER reccomend flying long distance with a baby. It was torture. The flight over there was the worst as he was teething and had a throat infection we didnt know about. The way back was better, but he would only sleep in our arms and not the bassinet, which made it very uncomfortable….Next time we fly that far, I either want a nanny, or buisness class….. neither of which will ever happen, but hey dreams are for free huh!…

    P.s Love the renos of Emmett’s room!!!

  4. I’m definitely the low maintenance kind.
    I have most certainly become way less accepting of BS and drama as I’ve aged. It’s not a bad thing. Why surround yourself with friends who take more work than they are worth? But I guess I’ve always been crankier than most πŸ˜€

  5. Bron on said:

    I think I’m kind of a medium maintenance friend. I don’t always remember birthdays but I do try! I don’t need a constant flow of interaction and super high maintenance friends irritate me. I’ve had plaintive smses before (“What happened to us???”) from a friend that I used to see a lot but who always refused to come out with me if I was with any of my other friends. When I stopped inviting her she didn’t see me much. She never contacted me and then blamed me for the lack of contact. Oh well – we’re no longer in contact.
    You’re not high maintenance! For me high maintenance = neurotic. You’re a “just right” kind of friend πŸ™‚

  6. Oh what an interesting post! This often crosses my mind, especially as I am baking and tidying up for high maintenance friends visits.

    I am def low maintenance. I often feel guilty about this but then remember my besties are low maintenance too and it is wasted energy to worry about things you can’t change. It is just who I am. I can say wholeheartedly, that I am always there when it counts. But as a result of my relaxedness I do wish there were a few friends of mine that would forget birthdays and even wedding anniversarys – c’mon, chill out!

    I do however, have a very, few besties, that do always remember birthdays and my kids birthdays but understand when I don’t – bless them. They are very understanding and know me well.

    I too, have become more discerning at choosing friends as I have got older. I just don’t have time for people I’m not that into and take time away from seeing my good friends. Life is too short!

    I do love meeting new people though they just need to be; very interesting, non-clingy, non-needy, independent, free thinking, non-judegmental, happy in themselves and fun – not that much to ask really πŸ™‚ I have also worked out I like a few close friends rather than many friends. Perhaps those last two statements are related – hehe.

    Cripes – when I re-read this to check for typos I think I am lucky to have any friends – Bless them again!

  7. It depends on the friend to be honest (why I have no idea) but in general I am very low maintenance!

  8. I am low maintenance but not no maintenance

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