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Decisions around family size

I was reading a blog post on Babycenter yesterday where a family has one child, the mom desperately wants another but her husband doesn’t. Almost more interesting than the blog post itself were the 144 responses it received.

I really felt for the blogger, that yearning for another child is not something you can ignore or just switch off. But some of the responses surprised me – there were a number of people who said she should just get pregnant and that her husband would deal with it when it happened and others that painted him to be a horrible person for not wanting a second child.

When I met my partner I was a teenager and convinced I never wanted children. A few years down the line I decided actually, 1 child would be really nice, and years later still I decided that 4 children would be the ideal number. I don’t think it would be fair to hold me to what my idea of the perfect family size was when we met mostly because of my age at the time but also because people change, circumstances change.

My partner is done. For him 2 children is more than enough. Sometimes I feel a little sad about it but I think he’s being reasonable – we can’t afford more children and we are very lucky to have been blessed with the two we have (if we ever won the lottery though I’d probably re-open the discussion!).

One thing I would never do is fall pregnant “accidentally-on-purpose”. It’s a decision that undermines everything a partnership/marriage is based on and I imagine the parent who did not want another child would feel very resentful towards the mother and battle to bond with the child.

Are you and your partner in agreement about the size of your family?


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10 thoughts on “Decisions around family size

  1. I would definitley want more but like your husband, mine also only wants two. He says that we have a boy and a girl and two is what we can afford. I love being pregnant though and having experianced a newborn without PND I would really love to have at least one more if not two.
    *reminds self to buy lotto ticket!*

  2. My husband and I are both from huge families and have always wanted a large family ourselves…we currently have five and are planning one more later this year (finger crossed). I think it would be unfair to fall pg if it wasn’t a mutual decision.

  3. I firmly believe that both parents need to be 100% committed to bringing a new child into this world. If they aren’t it brings along a whole other set of challenges, difficulties and struggles. I actually think an “oops, how did that happen accidentally on purpose” is one of the biggest possible betrayals!

    Really enjoying your blog T! xx

  4. Not yet – well we are but havent decided yet! D doesnt want to close the door just yet whereas I would BUT I understand where he is coming from so if he wanted another one I would do it 🙂

    But like you said I would never do it without discussing it with him! A decision like this creates resentment!

  5. Falling pregnant ‘accidentally-on-purpose’ IS a major betrayal, and one of the few things I would class as unforgivable.

    Personally, we are both on the same page… we’re happy with our two.

  6. Amelia on said:

    DH and I are really not too sure about how many we would like. Originally he would have had more than 6 if he could, but after having our first he has reaslised that 6 would be far too many, and now would be happy with 2. I would like 2, but someone is going to have to convince me to sum up the courage to get pregnant again……

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