intermittentblogger

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Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life?

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Yes. After the birth of my daughter I got post-natal depression. Until then I knew nothing about depression and wished people would just pick up their lip and get on with it. So it serves me right that I’d get some first hand experience to teach me a lesson in empathy.

We had wanted a child for so long and I thought that when she came along everything would just be “right”. But it didn’t happen that way.

Our daughter didn’t sleep for more than 40 minutes at a time – I was exhausted, I was numb and I wanted out. I spent a long time thinking about the quickest least messy way to kill myself. One morning after obsessing about it all through the night I got in my car, drove to the doctor’s office and waited for them to open. I had seen my OB previously and told her how I was feeling and she laughed and said “welcome to motherhood”. Thankfully my doctor listened and understood I needed help.

I took anti-depressants until my daughter turned 1 and I felt ready to wean myself off them. I wish I’d asked for help sooner! And I have a much better understanding now of people who suffer from depression – its not just something you can snap out of.

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4 thoughts on “Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life?

  1. Bronwyn on said:

    Sometimes our bodies suck. Why would they cause a woman to be depressed at what should be one of the happiest times? It’s a serious design flaw!

  2. You love me right? So if I sound harsh you will forgive me and know it comes from a friend and just think about it.
    Yes a bond in the beginning helps, PND is horribly good at disrupting that. BUT you have to stop letting that be a reason for now, she was never neglected or harmed. Her needs were met and that is important for a baby. Now is now she knows now, don’t keep looking back and letting it cloud now. Kids are hard work everyday even the ones you do bond with. And I often feel I fail them but looking back and getting all guilty does not help them or you. It is over, you did not ask for PND you did the best you could, forgive yourself for Bellas sake she needs you looking forward. You can’t go back but every day is a chance to try again and 10 to 1 you will mess up. But hug love and build, it is never too late. The Geek walked in to R and C’s life long after early bonding and someday I am sure he wants to run away but he keeps trying.

    You are a great mom, don’t let the past spoil that.

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